Friend Types

The I use, bleed and Take advantage Friend
This friend will only contact you when they need something and until such a time they will not bother communicating with you. Months go without a care in the world but when favours season comes they are the first to call.
Resolve: Kick them to the curb

The I'm Embarrassed We are Friends Friend
I know only too well about this sort of friend, they are will never acknowledge you or your friendship in public because their so called friends don't approve of you. But as soon as they are away from prying eyes they are quick to be friends again. Spineless Cowards!
Resolve: Toss to the nearest rubbish heap

The We've been friends forever but no longer have anything in common Friend
No one is really to blame for the state of our friendship, it's a shadow of it's former self and unlike a job where long term service has rewards, this friendship offers nothing!
Resolve: Place in the 50/50 Box

The I used to date your friend Friend.
This is a tough situation because you have to balance your loyalty to your friend and their ex who happens to be a friend. If people are not going to be mature about things then I guess a what would a reasonable man do test would have to be applied.
Resolve: Place on Ice until further maturity

The Praise and Admire Me Friend
This is the friend that will never call or communicate with you unless they want to share some success with you. Their new this and that will be forced down your throat and Lord forbid things go wrong, they go silent until further success.
Resolve: Serve a large dose of their medicine and observe vital signs.

The Ride or Die Friend
You have ugly cried together, you have laughed and you have spoken about the time you lunged in the gym and farted. This friend will be yours still the end of time.
Resolve: Keep them in your heart.

The Friend with a PHD
This friend is critical of everything you do, you are not enough of this and you are too much of the other. Lord forbid you experience some sort of success this friend will quickly attribute it to luck.
Resolve: Suggest a good shrink

The I have more faces than a disco ball has pieces of Glass Friend.
This friend sways with the wind, a jelly fish on two legs. Wheat fields have greater back bone than this sort of friend. They are everything to everyone and sings a different tune to every audience.
Resolve: Let go unless you aspire to be a politician!